After May 29th of this year,  I am officially finished volunteering for ANYTHING.  I volunteer my time to help others and to gain some self-satisfaction knowing that I did something for greater good.  The end results, however, are never what I want them to be.  I am constantly disappointed by others and their willingness to give, put forth effort, or just half-assing things in general.  I almost always end up frustrated and exhausted.  I’m sure anyone who reads this will think I’m a selfish ass, but I don’t really care.  I’ve given myself to various causes for more than 15 years and I’m just burned out.  Church.  Charity.  Public service.  All of it.  I’m done.

Maybe I’ll actually do something for ME and make some damned money.

I don’t really own anything, so it’s pointless for me to have a will…

But, Amy… you’d get everything.  You’ve loved me regardless of changing circumstances or growing pains.  You’ve believed in me when no one else would even consider doing so.  And you’ve supported me when I couldn’t stand alone.

I love you and I wish I could lay the world at your feet.

People come and go in my life with every season.  I give myself to them and offer love and friendship, but never get the same unconditionally returned.  Shallowness and hollow emotions abound… but you… you are the constant.  I hope one day to provide for you one hundred fold the steadfastness and stability you have provided me.

I started collecting wines a few years ago and have become obsessed with it.  I’m not wealthy enough to invest to the degree my compulsive mind would have me, but I’ve amassed a diversely humble collection.  Traditionally, I think many folks break out the good stuff when a major event comes about.  I think that’s cool, but the girlfriend and I kinda do the opposite.  When bills make finances tight and we can’t afford to go out for entertainment, I break out a bottle of good stuff and cook something tasty at home.

Music is just good for the soul.  Add some caffeine and joy abounds!  At least for me.

I’d become rather jaded for a few days in regards to the time I spend volunteering versus the satisfaction I got from it.  I have a tendency to burn out pretty quickly because I usually throw myself in 100% and get discourage when others don’t do the same.  It’s a constant “learn and be reminded of what I learned” process.  It’s in my nature to volunteer my time and resources for others and I don’t want the lack or effort or enthusiasm from others to dash my joy in those things.

I’m headed to Columbia, TN shortly with the girlfriend for her mom’s birthday.  It’s only an hour away, but it’s amazing how a short drive can help remove you from situations and refresh you.  Good stuff!

Every time I hear someone say they believe man is inherently good I just roll my eyes.  People suck… that’s pretty much what it comes down to.  The ones that DON’T suck are people who are TRYING to be good.

If you believe otherwise, you’re obviously not residing on the same planet as me.

When I was a teenager I had a violent temper.  Part of it was a defensive nature, I think.  Where I grew up it was “normal” for people physically fight each other.  And boy would I… It’s something I had to learn how to control as I got older and moved to different places where that kind of behavior not only wasn’t accepted, but was against the law.  I’m glad for it.  Now that I look back, I somewhat had a barbarian mentality.  Stupid.

Fast forward almost 20 years later and I still deal with my temper, just not on a physical level.  I’ve come a long way, I know, but I still have my moments when I just fly off the handle.  The only people who get to see me in my angered state are those that are closest to me.  That’s kinda good in a way, but it also means that I usually end up in temporary emotional turmoil with someone I love.  I really hate it.  Anger dissipates pretty quickly after some heated conversation, but it doesn’t change the fact I am ashamed of myself and feel as if I’ve ruined everyone’s day.

I have to remind myself often that I must be patient, slow to respond, and quick to dismiss negative thoughts.

I know almost no one reads this blog anymore, so I’m pretty comfortable being personal… in a vague way, of course.  :)

I’ve been CRAZY busy lately.  I need a great big bag of $100 bills so I can take a break and go lay on a beach somewhere.  My house is almost back in order, at least for a while.

I’m helping folks in my community and a community foundation organize a local festival.  It’s fun, but tons of work.  Check it out and stay tuned there for updates and information.

I’ve been attempting to be a bit more focused on writing music lately, but it’s just difficult to stay focused when everything else is happening.  I’m also trying to catch up on editing photography(Not Safe For Work NSFW), but I’ve been behind because I’m a slacker.

I’m writing less here, I think because I feel like I don’t have much to say.  I usually update Twitter pretty often and that updates all my other social networking sites, so I feel like I’ve over-communicated.

The older I get, the more I think I just have to be an all around jerk to get anywhere in life.  I like the feelings I get from being nice and helping people, but I think I’d like it more if I was just a rich bastard.

Lately, I’ve been up early to meet and have coffee with random folks at a local cafe.  Three times this week and a couple of times last week.  I kinda dig the habit, though it can be expensive.  I dig interacting with people from my community.  I just like feeling connected, I guess.  Plus, I tend to get a good bit of stuff done early.

As fun as it is, I don’t see myself becoming a morning person.